HERE ARE SOME "NEW" NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR 2009!
These are our New "good kitty" resolutions:
Remember, don't say anything if we fall a little short of our goals.
You keep your secrets and we'll keep ours.)
Resolution #1: I promise to trim down a little.
Being bigger means there is more of me to love, but perhaps I can
stand to lose a little weight, if I'm given the opportunity and the
right kinds of toys to play with.
Resolution #2: I'll be friendlier to strangers.
I won't turn my nose up at newcomers right away. Instead, I'll
give them a chance to scratch my ears before disappearing
under the bed.
Resolution #3: I'll be cuddlier to family members.
I'll purr more and be more affectionate to everyone in the family,
except the dog - unless he promises to stay the heck out of my
Resolution #4: I'll be nicer to the birds and fish in household.
Sure, I'll be very nice to them. Perhaps if I'm nice, they'd want
to come out and play with me...
Resolution #5: I won't be as finicky about my food.
Just as long as it's the right texture, taste and temperature,
and given at the right time each day.
Resolution #6: I'll lay off the furniture and stick to my scratching post.
After all, that's what the scratching post is for. Besides, I've
made enough marks to show who really owns this place. To do
any more would be just cad.
Resolution #7: I'll stop hiding stuff behind the couch.
It's getting a little cluttered behind there anyways. Someone in
the house is really trying to find that diamond ring - they're
making too much of a racket.
Resolution #8: I'll let everyone else sleep later.
I suppose 5 a.m. is a little too early to get everyone up to
feed me. I think I can hold on until 5:30 a.m.
Resolution #9: I'll stay off the counters, at least
when company is around.
I only get chased off anyways. Sooner or later everyone leaves,
so I can patrol the countertops if I'm just a little patient.
Resolution #10: I'll be more tolerant of those homemade
They feel a little funny, and I dislike having something put on me,
but the colors really do match my hair coat, and they set off my
Have a great new year!
Thanks to Dr. Jon at Pet Place.com
Here are Our "old" New Year's Resolutions
1. My human will never let us eat her pet hamster, and we
am at peace with that.
2. We will not puff our entire bodies to twice their size for
no reason after my human has finished watching a
3. We will not slurp fish food from the surface of the
4. We must not help ourseves to Q-tips, and we must certainly
not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.
5. We will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then
come home and puke them up so the humans can see that
we're getting plenty of roughage.
6. We will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall
in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat
litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of our
7. We will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down
the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has
finished watching "24".
8. We will not fish out my human's partial plate from the
glass so that the dog can "wear" it and pretend to be
my human. (It is somewhat unnerving to wake up, roll
over in bed, and see the dog grinning at you with your
9. We will not use the bathtub to store live mice for
10. We will not drag dirty socks from the laundry basket
in the middle of the night, deposit them on the bed and
yell at the top of my lungs (Burmese LOUD yowling) so
that my human can admire my "kill."
11. We will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of
the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
12. We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests
Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any
human's bed while she's trying to sleep.
13. Screaming at the can of food will not make it open
14. We cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds
outside. If we forget this and bonk our heads on the
window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, we will
not get up and do the same thing again.
15. We will not assume the patio door is open when we race
outside to chase leaves.
16. We will not back up off the front porch and fall into
the bushes just as my human is explaining to her
friend how graceful we are.
17. We will not complain that my bottom is wet and that we
are thirsty after sitting in my water bowl.
18. We will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble
bath and singe my bottom.
19. We will not stick my paw into any container to see if
there is something in it. If we do, we will not hiss and
scratch when my human has to shave us to get the
rubber cement out of our fur.
20. If we bite the cactus, it will bite back.
21. It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered
creamer before it dissolves in boiling coffee.
22. When we are chasing our tails and catch our back leg
instead, we will not bite down on our foot. This hurts,
and my scream scares my human.
23. When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the
house. It is not necessary to check every door.
24. Birds do not come from the bird feeder. we will not
knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds
25. We will not stuff our rather large selves into the rather
small bird feeder (with our tails hanging out one side)
and expect the birds to just fly in.
26. We will not teach the parrot to meow in a loud and
27. The dog can see us coming when we stalk her. She can
see us and will move out of the way when we pounce,
letting us smash into floors and walls. That does not
mean we should take it as a personal insult when my
humans sit there and laugh.
29. Yes, there are still two very large dogs in the
backyard. There have been for several years. We don't
have to act as if we've just discovered the Demon
Horror of the Universe each time one of them appears
in our window.
30. We will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people
are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else
one of these days, it will really come true.
31. When the humans play darts, we will not leap into the
air and attempt to catch them.
32. We will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's
on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
33. When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms
are not a hammock.
34. Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my
35. We are a walking static generator. My human doesn't need
our help installing a new board in her computer.
36. We will not bring the city police to the front door by
stepping on the speaker phone button and then the
automatic 911 dial button.
37. We will not speed dial the overseas numbers.
38. We will not walk on the keyboard when my human is
writing important emiognaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgvaa35.
39. Any critter that lives in the house (hamsters), stay
in the house and any wild critters (frogs and
earthworms) stay outside. We are not allowed to set the
hamster free in exchange for finding a frog to put in
the fish tank.
40. We will not stalk the deer in the apple orchard next
door. They have sharp hooves and could hurt us if they
weren't laughing so hard.
41. We will not watch the guinea pig constantly as the
guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while.
42. The goldfish likes living in water and should be
allowed to remain in its bowl.
43. We will not put a live mole in my food bowl and expect
it to stay there until I get hungry.
44. We will not eat spider plants and hallucinate behind
45. We will not drag the magnets (and the papers they are
holding up) off of the refrigerator and then bat them
underneath it so that they adhere to the underside.
46. We will learn to relax at the vet's office so they will
start writing things in my records like "Good Kitty"
and "Sweet Kitty" instead of the stuff that's there
now like "MEAN!!" "BITER!!!" and "GET HELP!!!!!"
47. We will not be miffed at my human all day and then kiss
her on the nose at 2:00 a.m. to tell her that she is
forgiven and can now pet me.
48. We will not scratch the children of neighbors, no matter
how much they chase us or how hard they pull our tails.
49. If we MUST claw my human, we will not do it in such a
fashion that the scars resemble a botched suicide
50. If we must give a present to my human's overnight
guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable
than a big live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.
51. We will not soak our catnip toy in the water bowl to
make tea. We will not get high and sit there drinking
our tea and kneading the floor afterwards. We will not
then get delusions of grandeur and make tea in the
toilet bowl or the tub. And we will not try to make tea
with used socks, dirty panties or hair scrunches when
my humans take the catnip toys away from us.
52. A warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap.